Warning: small mention of sexual content
Spring (No) Break
I’m a huge fan of going to Disney parks, but I live in a state without a park. When I splurge to go on a Disney trip, I want so badly to make the most of it that I push my body to its physical limits and almost literally spring out of bed every morning. Over the last year or so, I’ve had a reoccurring stress dream about going to a Disney park for a day and getting to the park late, therefore not getting enough time at Disney. So, as you can tell, I have spent a lot of time worrying that a day wasn’t enough at a Disney park. Last week, I got the grand opportunity to hang with my friends for a bachelor trip in Florida, eating good food, beaching it up, and going to Disney’s EPCOT. I spent the week before freaking the frack out about it, but— once I got there— I felt so filled up and so relaxed I wondered why it had been so scary in the first place. Even though it was an expensive flight and park ticket, it was one of my favorite trips ever. I highly recommend vacationing with your close friends; it’s hard to go wrong when you’re with the right people.
While we were on the beach, I read a chapter from Amy Schumer’s book The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo. I had read this chapter before going on the trip but wanted so badly to share it with Zach because it was so special, and thankfully the friends sunbathing around us were down to listen in. In the chapter “Blackouts and Stem Cells,” we learn about how Amy is prone to blacking out when drinking excessively. She told some hilarious tales, the craziest one detailing her story of waking up to a guy she had never met or seen before going down on her. (Omg!) After regaling us with details of this experience and assuring us that she does not drink that heavily anymore, she launches into the explanation of her dad’s struggle with MS and how heartbreaking it has been to watch him give up his fight against the disease. Out of the blue, a fan of Amy’s movie Trainwreck who was fighting MS herself shared the news of an amazing doctor that actually gave her dad a little hope. To me, this book gives the reader such a beautifully raw snapshot of life and its hilarious and heartbreaking highs and lows with the people we care about most. I also think she gives such a real look at womanhood, which I would love to do more of on my blog. There is a lot that I am experiencing and learning from and I want to be able to give a fuller picture in future posts.
Something I was pressuring myself to write about in full was somehow summarizing my experience being a girl, becoming a woman, and all the struggles that come with experiencing those things. Defining womanhood is wayyyyy too big of a topic for me to begin to unravel in one week’s post, but that didn’t stop me from spending a lot of time this week being overwhelmed by the idea. I finally settled on talking about a tiny but mighty aspect of womanhood: having friendships with other women.
Making Friends
One of my earliest “judgey” memories is when I was in third grade and a female classmate had hairsprayed her hair up in a ponytail and this became her everyday style. Because of this, I decided she could not be trusted because her hair looked like polly pocket hair. (Drop your kid judgements in the comments lol) I think it set off my internal alarms as wrong because she looked so much like the Tweevils from the Bratz movies, but I think my judgements were too hard looking back.
As a woman, it feels like judging other women is something we are taught to do to each other. I’ve always been wary of befriending other women even though I have wanted badly to be friends with most everyone I meet. I think the judgements I made came from a place of needing to protect myself (especially from someone who resembled the villain in one of my favorite bits of media). I could not relate to someone who would hairspray their hair like that, so Lil’ Gab declared this girl to be too different/not understandable and therefore frightening.
“I wonder sometimes if she even likes me.”
There is also such competition between women— to be the prettiest, the smartest, the most chill, the most talented… It’s a never-ending list. I still need to fight the instinct to compare myself with others to the point of envy. I purposefully added a song cover by Red Letter Daze because it’s an a cappella group full of talented, beautiful women that I knew from afar in college. Maybe it’s my first instinct to pick them apart and find a reason not to like them, but I purposefully made the effort not to. Instead I chose to find reasons to celebrate them.
I was very much a “guys are so much easier to be friends with” type of person in high school. It sucks that I had this gendered bias because I know it came from everyone around me. Being a strong woman is looked at by society as being bitchy or bossy. Being beautiful means you’re intimidating. Wearing certain clothes automatically labels you as prude or skanky, very much depending on your body type. (Insert America Ferrera’s speech from the Barbie movie.) But I can start sharing a different perspective in my circles by supporting and defending strong women, who have feelings just like anybody else.
“Why you so scared of a woman in charge?”
Keeping Friends
I have had a lot of different friends throughout the years, but I think I am just now realizing the importance of my female friendships. Having the shared life experience of being viewed as a woman in our society connects us all to each other and gives us an automatic group of people to relate to. Even though everyone, no matter their gender, has different interests and likes, women all know what it feels like to be treated like a woman.
My longest-time friend Helen and I met in 5th grade. My first memory of her was when the class was playing football at PE and I did not know how to play (or care to learn). Helen must have felt the same way because she was also standing off to the side of the field with me. Somehow, we ended up singing Troy and Gabriela’s parts in “You Are the Music in Me” from High School Musical 2. We were singing friends ever since. But when I think of our recess harmonies, I think back to singing “Somewhere Only We Know” quite a few recesses in a row.
“So tell me when you’re gonna let me in. I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.”
The song has come to symbolize how I look at my friendships and appreciating the connection I have with someone in that moment. I don’t want the wrong assumptions and judgements women tend to have toward each other to ruin my friendships with other women. I want to meet them where they are as the emotional, not emotional, silly, serious, energetic, and chill people they are. And I need these friendships as I believe they are important in the hard work of processing my life experience.
I know that in any relationship, it’s important to believe in the good intentions of the other. Everyone is just trying their best at any given time. And recently, I feel like I have been able to give that grace. I have been embracing the idea of seasons, opening up to the idea of people changing in a way I’m not yet sure is positive, and just allowing new ideas and ways of thinking coexist with mine without feeling a pressure to change my ways or try to make them change theirs. And through this, I feel like I have gained more female friendships— enough to have a group of crafty gals meet at my house one day a month to talk and make a fun something together.
I’m thankful for the friends I trust. The ones I galloped around in Disney with, the ones I cried watching Turning Red with, and the ones that play with my son and root for me and my family. Whether we see each other daily or monthly or yearly, thank you, friends. Much love! ❤️
Told ya it was mini!
🌻ART SHOW & TELL🌻
Time for some TLCCC💕
Treating myself to: 2 pairs of Disney ears! I ended up getting Baymax (to match my Baymax purse) and Cinderella (midnight-themed ears I will probably wear if I end up going to the Eras Tour themed drag show).
Listening to: Jonathan Ogden’s soothing music while I am painstakingly/excitingly changing all of my current job processes at work. This April, all of my hard work will come to fruition and hopefully change my everyday for the better!
Crafting: I scheduled another girls craft night for next week! 📚
Craving: Haru Sushi 🍱 I get a $15 bento that comes with soup, salad, rice, meat entree, and any side (from 4 tempura shrimp to a full roll)
Caring SO much about: everything! Haha I have started to think more and more about creating a board game/D&D type game (lol idk), I now have around 6 songs in the works for my album, and I have continued my weekly streak of blog posts for almost 40 weeks! Wow!! I have also been thinking real hard on how to optimize and plan better to be able to work on these projects as well as give Oakley really fun experiences with us on the weekends and weekday nights. LOTS on my heart currently 🙈🥰