Gabby’s Declassified Holiday Survival Guide
21: Family plans got you feeling like a seasick crocodile? Is your mom ba-humbugging your boundaries? Take some deep breaths. We got this.
The holidays can be a wonderful time of year for many families. You get to come together, focus on what matters most, and eat lots of food. It’s cuddly, it’s intimate, there’s gifts— what’s not to like?
And cue the guilt.
Why Can’t I Just Have a Good Time?
Gatherings of any kind can be tough for me (social anxiety has entered the chat), but family gatherings and mixing of certain people with others can create an environment a Gabby cannot thrive in. I have a hard time with sarcasm, an aversion to shallow politeness and surface-level conversations, and a longing to be accepted. In groups where I can’t find a safe place to land, I can quickly spin into an anxiety attack. Things are a lot better for me now for many reasons, but the stress of some of those family members lives on and still makes certain days of the year more stressful than they need to be.
Now, I can accept my past stress as difficult, but I grew up feeling guilty. I thought I should be thankful that I had a family at all and so much of it. I also knew I had a lot that other kids were wishing for. So, whenever I felt stressed or frustrated by certain family interactions, I would feel so guilty for wanting more than what I was given, which was already so much.
Everyone wants to want to be around their family. We all want to have fun inside jokes with cousins, have heartwarming interactions with our moms, and feel endlessly supported by our dads. It would be great if uncles weren’t unnecessarily political or if aunts didn’t make uncomfortable comments about our bodies or their bodies or both. And now that I’m older and in therapy, I know there is no need to feel guilt for not enjoying family time, especially if you’ve tried your darndest to “suck it up and have a good time.” I feel you and your efforts, but that’s simply not how it works.