Processing… (mostly CentaurWorld & Wicked)
70: “highly sensitive people have a rich inner life.” Proof of that.
Hey, New Friend—
Shit can get heavy, can’t it?
Well, I’ll be slowing down this week with a very small post.
I’ve been teaching art very parttime, playing Astrobot and watching Encanto at Oakley’s request (!!!), and trying to fit in crafting as much as possible. Art has been a big way for me to both escape and process everything going on and I prioritize it as the necessity it is. That sadly has not applied to my music, but it will THIS WEEK. I am determined!
I have been delighted by the many messages from friends and new friends about my last post speaking out about my experience at CCV and I am pleasantly surprised with the reception of it. Now that all the story that is mine to tell is out there, I do feel like I’m just that much more free of it. It no longer feels as necessary to tightly hold onto my experiences as a way to prove it all actually happened. #iwrotemywayout
AND— I finally finished…
✨CentaurWorld✨
which was such a colorful, emotional gift that came to me out-of-the-blue via Netflix suggestions.
I initially clicked on the show because I wanted to watch something random, but quickly started caring and never stopped. It has a similar feel to Steven Universe (to whom I still owe a whole post) but it’s only 2 seasons with a total of 18 episodes, so it’s way less of a commitment.
CentaurWorld tells many stories, but the main arc involves Horse, who is on a journey to find Rider, her best friend and only living family after the war, which is still ongoing. She meets many fun characters on the way who she eventually— after she lets her guard down— calls her family. Also so much more happens
The show creatively combines a very cartoony-cute drawing style with a more realistic style to tell a story of division and problematic systemic beliefs, all while being a musical. Yes, this show is a musical! I was shook to see so many big names like Kimiko Glenn (Waitress Original Cast, Orange is the New Black), Megan Hilty (notable Galinda from Broadway’s Wicked, SMASH), and Renée Elise Goldsberry (Hamilton Original Cast, Girls5eva) among many others.
Throughout my first watch of CentaurWorld (cuz the second watch is just around the corner. Follow me!), I had no clue what was going on. It felt familiar and comfortable, even when jokes got ridiculous or when the story delved into darker themes. But unlike Steven Universe (or I assume Adventure Time, though I have not watched that one through yet ahh I knoww), it’s a little more jarring when there’s a hint of darkness at random points in every episode.
You’re laughing at fart jokes, weird characters, and silly songs when all of a sudden an unknown threat is shown lurking in the shadows or you see evil plans resulting in skin melting off bone (“for ages 7-13” Um, no??). Within all the visuals and the music, there is a deeper theme that hit me particularly hard as someone so into parts work. I really do not want to give away the big reveals that the hour-long finale shocks the audience with, but I will say that this is a story of trauma. Even though many characters are colorful and silly, they all have traumatic backstories that explain why they are who they are today, just like all of us. But there are also characters in whose heinous crimes make their stories that much scarier… *double wink*
The Joy in Child-Like Wonder
It would be great if everyone liked things in the same font and boldness that I liked those same things. They’re allowed to like their own things, of course. And I guess CentaurWorld and Wicked and whatever else can just be MY thing to like… But isn’t it just the best feeling when you meet other people that like something you like? Sharing something together, NERDING OUT together… It’s just a great feeling. (Shoutout to my Kingdom Hearts/Twilight crew in 6th grade)
Do others enjoy my joy? Is that all they want to get out of watching what I recommend? I know being a highly sensitive person means I experience things in a deeper way than others do. Sometimes— like last night when I cried very hard at the very beginning of Wicked before anything really happened— I spent a moment in that joy wondering what others might be thinking and glancing at their posture to see if they were uncomfortable. The presence of judgment wouldn’t immediately stop the water flooding out of my eyes. But it did take me out of the story long enough for me to start the slow descent down from those overwhelmingly beautiful feelings.
Cut to the CINÉGRILL, Row F. I’m sobbing in my puffy pink skirt, feeling overpowered by the love and loss in Galinda’s flashback of friendship memories. I feel the guilt, the longing, the heartbreak. I feel the joy, the acceptance, the love. I feel it all because I know the story well, but also because I see myself in the story. I giddily leap from one concept to the next in an instant, making connections that Elphaba’s tears inspired. The meaning in a small change in facial expression, the beauty of showing Elphie her inner-child, the trauma-bonding in watching your narrative become one of a wicked witch. I see the parallels to my life and our society at large, and I realize how old this story is (book: 1995, musical: 2003) and—Ohnothey’relookingatmecryingIshouldstop.
So, in conclusion:
Affirmations For This Week
I’m learning to accept my own joy, regardless of other’s view of it.
I’m learning to trust myself in all ways. I’m on my way.
My sensitivity is a strength and that is not a lie.
I have a place. I am not alone.
Weekly Subscriptions & Cancellations💁🏽♀️
the ideas and soundtracks I want running in my head, or not.
🙋🏽♀️SUBSCRIBED to:
supporting kids going to science camp by purchasing these dehydrated snacks!
Celebrating progress!
setting boundaries around what I put my time and limited energy into
Costco for selling cute lil’ matcha lattes
🤦🏽♀️UNSUBSCRIBED from:
Being in places that make me second-guess myself constantly
Using caffeine to stay up late (I just fall asleep anyways and have detailed dreams.)
doing too much. I’m not going for 100%. I’m going for 80%. This goal holds more grace and more feelings of accomplishment.
currently? The bible. I am legit giving it a rest at the moment. There’s just too many twisted words I hear from hateful/hurtful Christians in my life and I can’t bear/bare to read it.
🌻ARTIST SHOWCASE🌻
I’m kinda at a stand-still with my music recently simply because I have had close to zero free time and it needs a HECKton of free time.
So, here’s this video about this anonymous mosaic artist in France:
Time for some TLCCC💕
Treating myself to: thrifting at a nearby thrift store called Other Mothers! (not to be confused with the villain in Coraline lol) There are tons of great things here for the whole family— so there’s actually a lot of good clothes!
Listening to: Corook again!! We bought tickets to her concert! They are super cheap and in an intimate venue! I’m pumped, dudes.
Crafting: a page in my journal made of torn letters from old friends and places of work, who gave well wishes that are no longer or were never true. I recommend it to my sentimental homies!! Still have that letter from an ex? Or maybe you have a letter that you love— cut it out and double-sided-tape it into your journal! You know: the journal you write in to process your feelings and your day in a way that is free from rules and regulations? Do it!!
Craving: cereal, but this protein cereal I tried is NOT it.
Caring SO much about: WICKED!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS???? IT WAS PERFECT!!!!! Other than that part with Idina but otherwise. IT WAS ALL IT NEEDED TO BE AND MORE! I SOBBED THRICE!!!
Upper Left: Their friendship beginning in the OZDust Ballroom….
Upper Right: Elphie’s favorite professor, who experiences ruthless treatment. (Fun Fact: Little Gabby definitely questioned animals’ silence after seeing Wicked)
Lower Left: Fiyero, a bisexual icon, demonstrating how much of a bad boy he is by risking his life in the spinning library of death. What genre of books is even in there? Comment your guesses below.
Lower Right: The most gorgeous green girl I ever did see. Her eyes are piercing.
“And this gift or this curse I have inside
Maybe, at last, I’ll know why”
You’ve got me even more pumped to see Wicked!