Taylor Swift for President
44: my respect for Taylor being a successful woman in the world we live in never ends— let’s gush about her new album!
My current obsession is hands-down Taylor Swift’s latest and longest album (31 songs!!!) The Tortured Poets Department. It’s gotten a lot of hate just for EXISTING which is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. (If you don’t want to listen to it, don’t listen to it!) Crazy enough, reviews of the album seemed to have exposed a flaw in the system when online articles critiquing her full album—that had a midnight release of 15 expected songs and a surprise 2am release with 15 more surprise songs— went live only 2 hours after the release, giving the reviewers only 2 hours total to digest the dense 2-hour-and-2-minute album and decide it was TOO MUCH.
If you want to hear more about my adventures as a new Swifty, click on the article link below.
I have spent the last week digesting the album, listening to the album in full 3-4 times and— since I can’t really focus on anything else— decided to make a bulk of this week’s post a very Gabby review of the songs from the album. Midnights was my favorite album, closely followed by Reputation and Lover, but TTPD is rising in the ranks in a way that invites me to listen in full to all her albums and make a better decision on what my favorite is. Once I come up with a formula, I’ll let y’all know. lol
1. Fortnight (featuring Post Malone)— This song is a straight-up jam, like all my favorite Posty songs. It’s sad but also too groovy to soak in it too much. It sticks in your head, but in a good way. “I love you, it’s ruining my life” couldn’t be a better lyric for a people-pleaser like me. And the music video? Art. There is an obvious disconnect between the characters, both thinking the one they love doesn’t want them… but, ya know, in a vibey way. The easter eggs in the video are fun as well, giving us a lot of parallels from past music videos and even inviting 2 Dead Poets Society cast members to act as doctors in the video. You’ll find me singing this all the time against my will (but in a good way!!).
2. The Tortured Poets Department— This one is cozy even if it’s a little sad. It’s still romantic to me, like we’re in a relaxing, rainy day-lit studio, reading books she used to read to her exes. “I scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever.” Very relatable as I have one of those too. (His name is Zach.) This song is about knowing someone so well, flaws and all, and it being hard to imagine this person being with and being loved by anyone else but you. It’s warm, even through the cold.
3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys— This song is giving 1989 in the best way. “I’m queen of sandcastles he destroys” goes so hard. It’s somehow an empowering anthem about being hurt by someone…? I’m down with it. I can see the music video already, being a very Jessie in Toy Story 2 “When She Loved Me” situation. I really love Taylor’s sad bops. I’m a fan of dancing while being sad.
4. Down Bad— This is my angsty anthem from now on. There’s an alien theme to it and I love the idea that something you thought would be bad since it took you away from home actually created a new home somewhere else that you’re no longer connected to. The song refers to “teenage petulance,” feelings like “I might just die, it would make no difference.” Didn’t everyone have an emo phase? If not, listen to this song and understand the dark vibes of emo adolescence with me.
5. So Long, London— “And you say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it” is so good. Giving up on the hope you had for something, knowing you have had enough, even if others don’t understand. It’s still somehow sticking in my head even as a sad song. “You swore that you loved me but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof.” Aghhhh really good.
6. But Daddy I Love Him— ONE OF MY FAVES. What a jam and what a tease!! Super relatable song and reminds me of a younger Taylor, the little storyteller. But I like this instrumentation more. It does sound like it could be a country song, but I am thankful it’s not as I don’t fancy country music. “I don’t cater to all these vipers dressed in empath’s clothing.” FUCK YEAH! It really is toward those judgmental Christians we all hate, ya know? We don’t care what you think of my relationship, I am IN LOVE! Get it, girl.
7. Fresh Out the Slammer— This gave me the heeby-jeebies with a little too much country twang to start the song, but it got better when I could get past the initial twangies. It’s a dancey song, and I guess even a happy one because she is out of the relationship now, but even when she talks about how hard it was, it’s still a vibe. “Handcuffed to the spell I was under for just one hour of sunshine.” Somehow, it’s a poolside song for me. We’re relaxing finally after a lot of hardship!
8. Florida!!! (featuring Florence & The Machine)— I really do like this one, especially because I recently went on a trip to Florida for a bachelor trip and I felt similar to this song going into it. “Yes I’m haunted, but I’m feeling just fine.” It’s about being super sad, maybe coming out of committing crimes (of the heart), but you’re ready to just have a good time for the first time in a long time. But I also heard a cool breakdown of this song on TikTok… interesting!
9. Guilty as Sin?— This one hit me on the second or third listen, but I absolutely love it. “Am I allowed to cry?” A question I ask myself every day. “Am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?” Some more daily questions. This is another song about toxic Christians. It feels like a sister song to “Slut!” from the 1989 vault tracks. “They’re gonna crucify me anyway.” It’s a jam AND it’s meaningful.
10. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? — YES GIRL!! This song is my current jam. Find me at a stoplight screaming the title line along with the song. This is the song I want a Wandavision-like music video to. I hope we get music videos for many of these. “We could all just laugh until I cry.” It’s so relatable, especially knowing how a lot of people around me feel about crying: that it’s funny and means I am weak, not that I’m sad and that matters. “‘They didn’t do it to hurt me.’ But what if they did?” I feel this in my SOULLLLL.
11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)— Okay, this one feels so cowboy to me. Like, I can feel the dust on my face and see the tumbleweeds roll by. “His hand, so calloused from his pistol, softly traces hearts on my face.” It just sounds so creepy to me, and maybe it’s meant to. It gives “Hey little songbird” vibes from Hadestown. It also ends with her saying she cannot fix him, so we know she comes to her senses, but I guess the song makes me uncomfortable just because she wants to be with this dangerous, creepy man. Who is that: Joe or Matty? Is the danger all mental? Great story, still. I think me feeling uncomfortable speaks to the quality of the writing.
12. loml — This is a sad song, a sad piano ballad, make no mistake. There is talk of reality crushing dreams with “better safe than starry-eyed.” This has to be about Joe because of how long they were together and how it must have taken a while to get to the point of calling it off, which seems to be referenced in the lyrics “still alive, killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried.” I still think this song is really fun to sing along to. It could have totally been an upbeat sad song, but I think this funeral theme is fitting to the emotion she wanted to get across. It’s not one I find myself listening to just for fun, though. It too heavy.
13. I Can Do It with a Broken Heart — THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE RIGHT NOW. Midnights was my favorite album (haven’t decided the ranking of TTPD in comparison yet) and this song definitely continues that sad party vibe I love so much. “Lights camera bitch smile” is definitely a tattoo idea for me in another edgy life or maybe me on an edgy night. “I cry a lot but I am so productive— it’s an art.” This song is so relatable. I definitely know Taylor is an enneagram 3 or at least a wing 3. She is doing such amazing work on the Eras Tour but she was also completely brokenhearted, at the beginning of the tour especially. This is definitely going on my “Happy-Sounding Sad Songs” playlist, as will all the other bops (though I don’t feel like this is an album of bops by any means).
14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived— The juxtaposition between this song and the one before it is kinda painful for me. It’s so much slower and up-front sad, it’s tough to swallow, but I think this was intentional. I am supposed to get whiplash and I am meant to feel bummed. “You kicked out the stage lights but you’re still performing.” I love this spotlight on people who aren’t being real, but are actually destructive and not genuine. #CouldaBeenAShortKing lol
15. The Alchemy — “Where’s the trophy? He just comes running over to me.” Honestly, not a huge fan of this one. Hilarious cuz it’s actually kinda happy? But it’s maybe the weakest on the album, in my humble Taylor-loving opinion. (I also wasn’t a fan of “Glitch” on Midnights and this is reminding me of that…)
16. Clara Bow — GENIUS. The feel of this song is really thick for me; I feel like I just watched a serious movie, like fricken “Saving Mr. Banks” or something. “Take the glory, give everything.” The sacrifices you have to make to make it. She also comments on this high expectation of woman to be beautiful and talented and humble and everything all at once. They don’t encourage you and love you unless you’re absolutely perfect. “Only when your girlish glow flickers just so do they let you know.” I think it’s a great comment on famous women and what it does to them. She even ends the song talking in the perspective of what I assume is a record label convincing the new “it girl” she’s better and edgier than Taylor Swift, and the cycle continues. “Dazzling.”
17. The Black Dog — “Old habits die SCREAMING” scared the shit out of me on the first listen. Even before I listened, I thought of Harry Potter and his tea leaves. It actually works though because the black dog symbolizes death in the wizarding world. She refers to a heartbroken feeling, like a demon she wants exorcised out of her. She talks about it like a silent haunting inside her that isn’t something she parades around. “My longings stay unspoken.” It’s a good one! The music grows with the “screaming” line so it’s not as shocking every time, for those who are easily spooked like me.
18. imgonnagetyouback — A little more dancey of a song amidst the sad. Many people think this is about Matty Healy because of 1975’s song “fallingforyou” that is supposedly about Taylor. The lyrics remind me a lot of Olivia Rodrigo’s “get him back!” but a little more grown, maybe? Right now, I still prefer Olivia’s version. “Whether I’m gonna be your wife or gonna smash up your bike, I haven’t decided yet.” I guess I have decided and it’s more of a shrug for me.
19. The Albatross — I like this one. The idea is that rumors aren’t always true and so-called wise men can be tricked along with the rest of them. In the end, anyone can become disliked by the public without good reasoning. It honestly reminds me a bit of Elphaba from Wicked in the best way. It’s a very relaxing song as well. “And when the sky rains fire on you and you’re persona non grata, I’ll tell you how I’ve been been there too and that none of it matters.” It’s a sad song about rumors of Taylor Swift being dangerous, but it’s also very calming hearing it’ll be okay.
20. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus — The song immediately starts off feeling unsettling when she talks about seeing her presumed lover stumble in making out with someone else. This feeling of not being what each other needs is prominent, like they kept missing each other. It’s giving “One Day” even though I hate that movie, but I don’t yet hate the song. It’s something I would put on a playlist to relax to, but I don’t super relate to it in story. She’s changing and he isn’t. “You needed me but you needed drugs more.”
21. How Did It End? — Oddly enough, I only hear Shrek the Musical when I hear “hothouse flower” so that was a bit distracting. But the rest of the song is very serious and relatable in this feeling that everyone is talking about you during a super painful part of your life. “A touch that was my birthright became foreign” is such a powerful line to me, especially thinking through the lense of my adoption. “Soon they’ll go home to their husbands, smug cause they know they can trust him” is so heartbreaking. All these people who are interested in the breakdown of her life have their lives together. I feel an echo of Lady Whistedown with this gossipy entertainment. “My beloved ghost and me sitting in a tree D-Y-I-N-G” is all very creative, mimicking the famous kiddy song that usually spells out the word “kissing.” It’s all fun and games to other people who want to know the deets, but it’s her life that’s falling apart. This song is kinda a yummy sad to me.
22. So High School — It’s a sweet, relatable sentiment but I have a hard time jamming to “touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto” just because I’ve never been about that game. Just being real. Super happy for her and Travis, but in my very disconnected opinion, I don’t think they’re endgame. Otherwise, I think it’s pretty spicy what she talks about doing with his bros around.. “scout’s honor.”
23. I Hate It Here — OKAY THIS ONE IS BECOMING MY NEW FAVORITE. Not only am I relating to it so specifically with my current place of employment but I relate to it a lot as an Enneagram 4. “You see I was a debutant in another life but now I seem to be scared to go outside.” This is intensely relatable to me. I was such a confident performer but have recently become aware of my traumas which has caused a lot more anxiety. “When they found a better planet, only the gentle survived.” Seriously, is she an enneagram 3 or an enneagram 4?? This speaks to my hsp self (highly sensitive person) because I am always made to feel foolish or dramatic when it comes to my sensitivity. She talks of escaping to secret gardens and lunar valleys in her mind, which is such a beautiful picture of how I feel all the time escaping into my imagination. But it also reminds me of EMDR therapy where I had to create a very specific and detailed safe place to go to mentally after revisiting traumatic moments. On top of that, it reminds me a bit of how I used to disassociate while reading books and listening to music when I was younger. It’s just hitting me right in my individualist heart. 💜
24. thanK you aIMee — HELL YEAH. FUCK KIM K. hehe But seriously, if you haven’t watched “Miss Americana” the Netflix documentary—where you learn about the lengths of Kanye and Kim’s abuse of Taylor in the media— you gotta go check it out. But Taylor is here rising above Kim, saying “I can’t forget the way you made me heal.” Even though Kim’s intentions weren’t to help build Taylor’s resilience and help her come back stronger, that’s what happened anyway. It’s super relatable to me, especially the line “And maybe you’ve re-framed it, and in your mind you never beat my spirit black and blue.” A lot of people who have hurt me deeply have had a hard time accepting the fact that they hurt someone, even changing the reality in their mind to protect their ego from experiencing regret or disappointment in themselves. It’s really cool to have a song like this where there is a place for anger while still moving on stronger than before.
This last part of the album is still in need of more listens by me. I feel a lot less familiar and my reactions will be fresher.
25. I Look in People's Windows — Wow what a hidden gem! Super short song, with repetition to show her overthinking and anxiety over the situation. Relatable! “Does it feel alright to not know me? I’m addicted to the ‘if only’” stings so much. This song feels like the anxiety before the escape of “I Hate It Here.” It definitely speaks to my social anxiety and the idea that people are fine not getting to know me truly. (Like, not to call them out, but all the people I care about deeply who I personally invited to check out my blog and they didn’t… Sigh… & I’m not talking about you, Kimchi! Hehe 😉) I really like this one!
26. The Prophecy — Another great one! Honestly this was my first look at these lyrics and I am floored! This is the other side of me. “I Hate it Here” has a sort of confidence about it because we know we’re different from everyone in a good way, unique. But this song gives into the anxiety that maybe we’re different from everyone in a bad way, disturbed. In the song, her anxiety seems to bring her to a fortune teller of sorts who can hopefully help her feel like there is hope to escape what she fears. “Don’t want money, just someone who wants my company. Let it once be me.” Man, that hits home hard…
27. Cassandra — Ooh man. This one is haunting. It tells of a witch hunt where Taylor and Cassandra (who could represent or be a multitude of things in my mind) are targeted and attacked, killing Cassandra first and then Taylor. Super creepy, but also a warning to others about how people get enchanted by chaos and bored and/or embarrassed when the truth comes out. “They say what doesn’t kill you makes you aware. What happens if it becomes who you are?” This is such a needed view of this “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” nonsense (that she also agrees with in the Kim K song— yay for both being true!): that we don’t ask to go through hardships and those hard things don’t always make us better. Sometimes, there’s just pain and brokenness with no happy resolution or reason. It’s a sad story, but a great song. Going on a few different playlists…
28. Peter — I’m a fan of these name titles. It makes me want to try that out. This is a heartbreaking song themed with Peter Pan, making it more heartbreaking. Taylor writes as Wendy, who thought Peter was going to come back and find her when he grew up, but he didn’t do either of these things and she’s sorry but she can’t hold out any longer. “Words from the mouths of babes. Promises, oceans deep, but never to keep.” SAD SAD SAD. But how perfectly yummy it is. A perfect sad story, in my mind.
29. The Bolter — I saw an edit with this song and clips of Amy March from Little Women and now I am struggling to see anything else. Was this written about Amy March? Anywho, I like this song. It feels happy but I’m not sure it is…? “Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun til you get to know her” It’s maybe casually triggering to me as I feel like I myself could be painted in this light. When I took my first Enneagram test, I tied type 4 and type 7. This feels like a part of me that could have been a 7. All of this to say, it will go on my playlists because I like it anyways.
30. Robin — Maybe I’m not sure what this is about either, but “You have no room in your dreams for regret” might be my next tattoo (which I have been thinking about a lot lately and having dreams about too actually!) because I so fervently do not regret anything. All of it has made me me. But all that to say, I still don’t know the context (which plays a huge part of me liking it or not). It’s a sweet little piano song, but I need more info.
31. The Manuscript — APPLAUSE. What a beautiful end to a collection of soul-filled, vulnerable works of art. “Now and then I reread the manuscript but the story isn’t mine anymore.” Sad, nostalgic, some longing, but acceptance. All the stages of grief, before and beyond. Beautiful.
Overall, this album is high in ranks. Not sure how it fits in with my top T-Swift albums, but it definitely will find a place up there. It feeds into my melancholy enneagram-4-ness too much to not attach myself to it. It’s obvious this album is powerful because— like a horcrux— it feels like it contains fragments of her soul. People who only make fun of Taylor Swift, never giving her a chance, are missing out on a truly genuine individual, who is courageous and vulnerable enough to bear her heart to all of us. This album was written to get her through a hard time and she didn’t have to share it with us, but she wants to invite us in. As as someone who truly feels honored by being let into someone’s private thoughts, I feel connected to her like a friend. It’s like she’s coming to me to vent and tell me how she has been feeling and I’m all ears, ready with a cozy blanket and a tissue box (or 3) to sit in that sad with her until she feels clean of it and light enough to get out from under it.
I will most likely use all these songs in upcoming posts, so I will post the album link again instead of individual songs.
What else is there to talk about? Oh yeah.
I have a big list of topics I want to write about and on weeks like these I find myself trying to decide if I want to distract myself from life with my writing or if I want to process what’s going on in life with my writing. Many times, it feels like I can do both. I can listen to one of my favorite artists and process my sad feelings. I can watch a Pixar Short and process the idea of gender discrimination in the workplace. (View one of my favorite shorts below!)
I can write about songs I like and also talk about the plight of women. I can distract myself on TikTok but still come around to the idea that there is a power in the experience of being a woman. I was originally going to focus my current life dilemma but I felt way more inspired to write about Taylor Swift’s new album. Why would I focus on my less-than-ideal situation where I feel specifically seen as a woman at work and how it limits how successful I can be at my job? Being a woman in America is hard and Taylor Swift’s album backlash fits that as well as her album’s content. There’s so much unnecessary aggression in the world. I, too, wish for a place where only the gentle survive and where people wouldn’t make fun of you until you cry. I’m just glad I’m not the only one.
1000% recommend HYSTERICAL, linked below:
🌻ART SHOW & TELL🌻
Excerpt from a song I may or may not record….
A strong-willed woman once said
“Enough with this.”
And a fine upstanding gentleman once said
“What a bitch.”
A strong-willed woman once said
“I can do both.”
And a fine upstanding gentleman once said
“You should be at home.”
Time for some TLCCC💕
Treating myself to: a MASSAGE, friend hangouts, and… I was going to go to a Taylor Swift drag show but sadly my FIL was rushed to the hospital. Thankfully, his insane amount of pain was due to some un-friendly neighborhood gallstones, just like I experienced around a year ago. It’s always validating when someone else, especially a big tough man experiences the same pain as me and describes it similarly.
Listening to: TTPD, obviously.
Crafting: a new chore schedule. And I also decided to write curriculum for homeschooling my little guy in my free time. I’m playing around with different ideas in my head for the future. What a time of transition!
Craving: honestly, yogurt. We didn’t go to Fry’s for a couple weeks and I missed it. It’s the simple things.
Caring SO much about: applying to at least 5 jobs a day. We’re at around 50 now. Prayers and vibes appreciated! Also, I started sessions with a NEW therapist! Sadly, my old therapist I mentioned in one of my past posts was not able to meet with me, so she recommended me to someone who feels perfect for me! Yayayay!