thoughts from a "strong-willed" angry woman
68: i couldn't not be angry. not sorry.
In more ways than one, the world as I knew it is has ended.
Gabby 10 years ago was attending her predominately white mega-church and living in a country led by a president she trusted and knew was a good person and a man of color.
For better and for worse, things are very different now.
In 2016, finding out the results of the election broke me into pieces scattered across the floor of my Flagstaff apartment. I foolishly hoped that America knew better, that many people I knew and loved knew better. But I was wrong. I felt like my hope made the news hit even harder, a despair that has lingered, an anger that has stayed boiling in the very depths of me since that day.
This time around, in 2024, I had hope that Kamala would win in the same way that I had hope for rain in the Arizona summer. It would have been wonderful for the American people to have changed, to have learned.
But I have been fooled before.
So, instead of thinking the majority would happily (or, at least, begrudgingly) choose a flawed yet passionate and experienced WOMAN over a disgustingly unsafe and evil, convicted criminal MAN, I woke to the bad news in a daze. The crying, the dizziness, and the disassociation that I (and countless other Americans, many women who are aware of the unstable ground their rights are resting on) experienced this week felt spookily like deja vu.
“I don’t wanna bleed anymore.
I just wanted love.
But you wanted gore.”
We’ve been hurt like this before. And it won’t be the last time.
In more ways than one, I have been hiding. Women as a whole have been taught to hide. We’re taught to make ourselves smaller to help others feel comfortable. I often find myself feeling helpless, struggling with authority in a way that only hurts me and benefits everyone around me. I wanted to be polite. I wanted people to like me, to need me, to stay.
But now, I need me. And I need safe people around me who are looking out for me as much as I’m looking out for them.
We all need to look after ourselves and those that will be and are already being overlooked and oppressed by the prideful, wealthy men in power over us.
“Watch out, watch what you say
Your truth becomes your grave.
A sword can cut both ways
But I got sharp blades.
Feel the rage”
The only mistake we can make now is doing nothing. Without action, we are committing to keeping things as they are or as others push them to be. If you’re someone who didn’t vote, I recommend counseling so that you can understand how your avoidance is affecting your life and the lives of those you love.
I desperately desire to play a meaningful role in the lives of others. And I simply cannot do that while lying about what I believe in to stay employed, staying quiet about my passions to keep friends, and to hide my joy if my wins don’t please those still clinging to the status quo. And after this election? I am not fine. And I will not pretend I am.
“I’m on my vigilante shit again.
I don’t start shit but I can tell you how it ends.
Don’t get sad, get even.”
For more writing by powerful, angry women (if that phrase makes you scoff and roll your eyes, I would recommend doing this wild new thing called self-reflection) follow Jessica Valenti here on Substack and subscribe to “Abortion, Every Day.” There are also a bajillion female writers on this site that have unique stories and perspectives worth reading.
To those who are making jokes about owning women’s bodies…
To those who are shouting “MAGA” at women sharing their stories of sexual assault…
To those who aren’t shouting but are equally responsible for this horror-movie-clown representing what my grade school history books always called the greatest country in the world…
Please look in the mirror.
Especially the women who voted for Trump…
Please, please look in the mirror and reflect.
There’s no way you’ve seen all you needed to see and still made the choices you have made.
“I’m getting sick of being nice.
You hurt me every single time.”
That’s all my mind can do this week.
I send my love to those that are hurting with me. Rest up, cry, and then get back to what brings you joy and fills your life. And when the time comes to act— we’ll be ready.
Weekly Subscriptions & Cancellations💁🏽♀️
the ideas and soundtracks I want running in my head, or not.
🙋🏽♀️SUBSCRIBED to:
supplementing my endocannabinoid system IYKYK
Halloween. I have turned! I am a spooky gal! Bwahahaha! Ahem. Yay!
This advice:
🤦🏽♀️UNSUBSCRIBED from:
abandoning myself to avoid rejection and “getting in trouble.”
Social media that isn’t Substack. I literally download Instagram to share when I post and delete it before I waste hours scrolling.
People who expect me to disregard my own wants and needs for their comfort. I am in charge of my own life.
Anyone spewing Christian Nationalist shit. Deconstructing my faith during an election where I see so many Christians voting to take away women’s rights and back a rich rapist… it makes everything all the more confusing.
🌻ARTIST SHOWCASE🌻
It’s a me, GABBY-O! Here’s my collage for October! It was a really great month 🤩🥹❤️
Time for some TLCCC💕
Treating myself to: internal validation yum yum
Listening to: I’m still into spooky vibes right now. Honestly, I think this is The Bad Place. They never burned men for being witches. I feel like one.
“Just don’t try to save me.
‘Cause I don’t wanna be saved.”
Crafting: more pages of Oakley’s memory book ❤️
Craving: something that truly satisfies me— my joy!
Caring SO much about: The LIFE-CHANGING BOOK on how to truly heal: “Heal Your Nervous System” by Dr. Linnea Passaler which was recommended to me by my therapist. It is her #1 book recommendation and we are reading through it together for sessions. 3 chapters in and I feel incredibly validated and informed. Cried thrice already.
Swimmy!! One of my favorite books!
https://youtu.be/BDrR78REU8Y?feature=shared