Gabbin’s 50th Post!
50: reaching goals, following my dreams, new publication
Honestly, I am really proud of myself.
I don’t mean to go all London Tipton on this post, 1so I won’t, but I will but I also won’t. Not only have I been writing a poem every day since 2021, but now I can also say I have written a blog post every single week for the last 50 weeks! WOW!
Writing this blog is something I love doing. I am so glad I set the expectation of myself to post once a week because this became the norm instead of any other goal that I’ve made and missed. There were many weeks I was so inspired I couldn’t not write; sometimes I started writing the next week’s post only moments after finishing the current week’s. But there were also many times I felt overwhelmed by the content of my life or my feelings, wanting my post to accurately portray my experience or explain my beliefs, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to explain things perfectly.
“Acceptance is the key.
Acceptance gives me wings.”
Writing this blog has taught me a lot about perfection and how becoming a good writer means writing MORE and writing A LOT, writing badly and writing anyways. Continuing to post every week (on some day between Friday and Monday lol) has made me a better writer and— if not that by everyone’s standard— a more confident one at the very least.
I am an artist.
You would think that would be obvious to me due to my lifetime of dedication to my crafts (both literally and figuratively), but when you’ve been asleep to yourself for God knows how long, the most important parts of you are not as easy to recognize. My desire to create and share my art could be found many places in my youth.
Back in the days that Out of the Box was airing on Disney Channel, I spent hours recording a how-to video submission on making pop-up pizza party invitations.
When I saw the Broadway musical Hairspray live for the first time at Arizona Broadway Theatre, I dressed up in a Tracy Turnblad-inspired outfit. When the lady who checked our tickets asked if I could sing and said I “could totally play Tracy,” my feet practically lifted off the ground.
When the Jonas Brothers had a home video contest, you bet your ass I submitted a dance video choreographed by me that my poor cousin had the honor to edit.
And when I was in 6th grade, my friends and I cosplayed characters from Twilight and Kingdom Hearts, wrote fan fiction, drew fan art to share on DeviantArt, and overall spent so much time pretending we were in some other world.
“Now I’ve found who I am.
There’s no way to hold it in.”
Writing this blog has let me come back to my true self— the one that scream-sang the above song whenever the house was empty. The one that couldn’t find her voice in a family of megaphones and booming laughs. This blog has made me realize just how important sharing my art is to me. And not only that— how important it is for me to communicate and connect with others through my art.
Therefore, I need to share my art.
There was always this idea that I could try to follow my dreams, but that the easier thing and maybe the better thing would be to not get my hopes up at all. My parents were both deeply talented and they had to give their dreams up to pursue jobs that would help them survive. My mom was a dancer and my dad was a football player. I can’t help but imagine the joy they would have experienced if they had been able to follow their sparks.
When Zach and I wrote out our life strategies, the question that prompted me to imagine myself nearing the end of my life has stuck with me. When I’m 80-years-old, what did I want to look back on my life and see that I had experienced or accomplished? This question was very convicting to me, especially when thinking of the example I want to set for Oakley and the legacy I want to leave behind. I don’t think that the passions and desires I have for my life should be ignored.
There is more art I am dying to share and more connections I hope to make through my art. Like I have mentioned many-a-times before, I am working on my first album with my own original songs. (I can practically hear Lil’ Gab fangirling over the fact that this is finally happening.) I also decided that I wanted to start flexing my fiction-writing muscles again. And where better to practice this than here on Substack? Introducing: Once Upon a Gab.
I have no plans set in stone for a posting schedule there, but I did want to share with you all that my attempts at fiction are there— for my practice and your entertainment. I will also be sharing a poll at the end of every post asking what readers are interested in reading more of, which I may or may not listen to lol. There is currently no paid option on that publication.
THANK YOU 🙏
I am seriously so thankful for the support of this blog. Feeling seen and understood— even if people don’t fully understand or haven’t read all the posts— feels like I finally exist. I am so grateful I gave myself the opportunity to share myself here on Substack. For almost a year now, this blog has existed for me, in place of me, like I was truly me out there somewhere in the world but not here in my own life. Now that things about me are no longer secrets, the real version of me exists here with me, within me, and within everyone’s world. As my therapist put it: this feels like a self-returning— an embrace of myself after years apart.
I am so SO thankful for all the views and subscriptions, especially these last few months. This blog is very much a collection of parts of my heart on the page. And those who have taken the time to read them, reach out to relate to me, and get to know me maybe for the first time… thank you. 💖
🌻ART SHOW & TELL🌻
The logo of my new publication. Shoutout to Canva (and praying I will be able to dabble in Procreate soon!)
Time for some TLCCC💕
Treating myself to: time to myself, a clean house, laying on my bed and staring at the fan…accidentally falling asleep for 3 hours 😅… it’s a good time.
Listening to: This song is my jam. It makes me genuinely cry sometimes and also makes me dance. Ideal musical experience. It’s also just one of the best songs I have ever heard and explains love so well! 🥹💖
Crafting: summer plans with friends!
Craving: an appetite. Honestly, I have the hardest time eating when I am stressed. It’s like there are so many big emotions inside of me, there is no room for food.
Caring SO much about: all the time I am getting to spend with Oakley 😍 My writing— and trying to find ways to pursue it.
Originally written to share on June 6, 2024
I loved this post! It made me SO incredibly happy for you 🥰! 👏🏽Happy 50th👏🏽