(Literally) Listening to my Heart
41: how music impacts me, feelings on my voice, and my spotify playlists, of course.
History of (Gabby’s) Music
As a young Gab, I always loved music— within stories like in Disney movies or stage musicals or on the radio in the car for me to imagine elaborate music videos to. And I don’t remember a time I wasn’t singing. My parents called me the “Jingle Queen” because I would easily memorize and recite commercial jingles and theme songs for them all the time. My parents talk about (what is actually one of my earliest memories) one of my first performances which was on the tallest rock in our backyard. I would stand on it and sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” for anyone who would listen.
When I was a bit older around the age of 12, the movie Hairspray came out and I studied it meticulously. Something you gotta know about me is that I love mimicking and matching tones. When I listened to a song, I was learning it inside and out. I, of course, needed to know all the lyrics, but I needed to perfectly replicate the performance to be able to sing along while sounding as much like the artist as I could. One day, I was singing along to “Run & Tell That” alone in my room (I was obsessed with this song and Seaweed’s character as a whole) as my parents walked in, exclaiming that my performance was actually really good! This wasn’t the first time they told me I was good at singing, but it was maybe the first time I believed them.
I spent loads of time rehearsing songs and sometimes choreography in preparation for someone asking me to perform. Surprise surprise— no one asked, but there were a few times karaoke was hosted at a sleepover or I offered to sing for someone. I sang the introduction to “Strut” by the Cheetah Girls1 for one of my uncles (the king of Costco). He said it was good, but what else do you say when your little niece sings about Barcelona to you? Then, I sang the chorus of my first original song with a melody— that sounded suspiciously like “Gotta Go My Own Way” from HSM2– to another uncle (the distinguished scientist) and he was very kind and validating, encouraging me to continue working on my talent.
Sure, I did sing in the talent show a couple years a row in elementary (singing “I’m Yours” and “Lovebug”), but my favorite teacher didn’t seem enthused.
I did musicals in high school (Princess Winnifred in Once Upon a Mattress and Susan in [title of show]) and even came off stage to applause from my friends backstage one performance. (I don’t think about that weekly or anything….) Their cheers meant everything to me, but when no one cheered, I questioned myself, continuing to struggle with my self-confidence.
There were many times I was put on the spot to showcase my singing and forgot every song I had ever known or rehearsed for a moment like this. I just didn’t feel confident singing anything, I had a good amount of solos in my college a cappella group (“Best of You” & “Jackie & Wilson”), but I was also in what I refer to as my villain era, so I didn’t feel liked in the slightest.
But I love to sing and I continued to do so. No one asked me to stop and I hoped that was because I was actually good at it. I was just not confident at all. I still feel pangs of worry when I see people confidently singing badly and boasting of their abilities. I just hope that I have honest people around me and I’m not being delusional. 🥴
All that to say— I am possibly going to begin work with some musician friends of mine to work on melodies, instrumentation, and then recording. I have a little collection of (currently) 8 songs, some with full melodies that I wrote years ago and others that need work that I wrote in the last month. I am really really REALLY excited to finally be taking the crazy step in the direction of sharing this type of art that I privately love. I feel like art demands to be shared, and for good reason. Art is so healing to create and to experience. I want to share it for myself and for anyone else who may relate, like with this blog! 🩷
My Spotify Playlists are My Horcruxes
Wayyy back in 2012, everyone in my high school sophomore media class was using this cool new streaming service called Spotify. I no longer needed to pay $1.29 on iTunes to listen to non-explicit versions of 3OH3! songs on my iPod Nano. I could now listen via Spotify which— at the time— did not feature any commercials or crazy limits on free users as they do now. By the time Spotify asked me for a subscription, I didn’t think twice. I loved it! And all my playlists were there! What would I do without them?
Now, all of those high school playlists are condensed into one mega-playlist I call “what a time high school was” which lives in a folder (yes, I somewhat recently learned about Spotify’s folders and my life has vastly improved) called “Time Capsule” which holds playlists that were made for a specific time that has now passed.
Since high school, I have become very attached to many of my playlists because they’re sorting out music in the way that makes the most sense to me. I put songs into playlists for a number of reasons…
I like the song.
It envelopes me in a certain feeling.
It has a certain time and place.
To figure out which playlist(s) a song fits into, it goes through a number of playlist tiers. If someone mentions a song to me and I have never heard it or only heard it briefly, it goes into “VIBE CHECK.” After I listen to a new song from this playlist, it could move over to the next tier “New Pajamas” or skip that tier completely and move to “Growing New Jams” or get the golden buzzer all the way to “Car Jams.”
You might be like, “Gabby, it’s music— why is there an assembly line system?” But I enjoy it. When a song stays in “New Pajamas” for more than 5 listens, I delete it and it goes nowhere. Do I have OCD? I have never gotten a diagnosis, but the medication I’m on says it typically treats people with OCD, along with other things, so perhaps it’s possible. Anyways— I like interviewing music and seeing how it fits into my world, if it can fit at all. I usually have to relate to the song to add it to any of my playlists, but at the very least it needs to make sense lyrically.
I have playlists for many situations— certain types of social gatherings, for cleaning, and for certain people. I also have season playlists and emotion playlists. My “Lowkey Mad” playlist was my favorite for so long. I love “Happy Dance” for obvious reasons. But I am trying to collect actually good party tunes right now in “Upbeat Party.” I enjoy making playlists. (Hire me for your party today!)
I think my music processes give me some structure while still letting me be creative. I don’t have hard and fast rules with my tier system, so sometimes I see songs moving around so much I feel stressed that it doesn’t have a place. It feels productive and relieving to empty out all 3 tiers into my other playlists. Everything has its place and those playlists feel ready to go! It also feels really good to be the friend in charge of the playlist, to be the one that has things planned out and ready to go vibe-wise. It gives me a job to do at a party that I love AND can be a good escape from my social anxiety.
But the most important playlist to follow is the one I have for this blog. It grows with each song I share here, in order of appearance.
So, now you know more about me.
Thanks for reading!
This post is coming to ya so late because my family was sick this week. 🤢 First Oak on Easter, me 2 days after, then Zach, then it hit my parents and my friends…. Man oh man, it was not fun. And I was not fun either. I forgot my medication 3 days in a row, I was low on sleep, and couldn’t really eat— and those who know me know that hangry Gab is not a good friend. This week, lots of fun things are happening and everyone’s health meters are almost all the way back up! Praying to stay there. 🥰♥️ And praying you, dear reader, stay healthy or regain health super soon!
🌻ART SHOW & TELL🌻
“And those musicians are friends of mine”
Time for some TLCCC💕
Treating myself to: video game time 🎮 Hogwarts Legacy 63% through the story! Still have MOST of the map left to explore though, so that’s crazy.
Listening to: The Princess Herself 💥
Crafting: Vision Boards with my Momma! I am super proud of mine. (Don’t be afraid, I thrifted the books I took the pictures/pages out of) Let me know if you want me to explain the meanings behind all the stickers and photos and words, as they all have a meaning! 🩷🌟 Maybe that can be a podcast episode!
Craving: Authenticity!!!! 🫨 The truth!!!!🥴 Revolution!!!! 😤
Caring SO much about: My Zach, my Oak, my Kida, and myself 🩷🩷🩷🩷 Hoping to add another heart this year! 😊
My first concert was the Cheetah Girls with Hannah Montana opening for them (wow, what a sentence), so my roots are in Disney Channel originals.
So glad you are starting on that goal to record yourself! What an adventure! Can’t wait to hear more!